BE A MAN!

16 06 2009

Here’s a very intelligent discussion of why many Caucasian men are primarily interested in Asian women:

http://letters.salon.com/books/review/2009/06/16/east_west_sex/view/index8.html?show=all

Buried in the middle of that discussion  — which is fascinating in itself — is this jewel of a comment:

“Speaking as a white female who has always been attracted to sexy East Asian men, I have a few thoughts about this dynamic.

Generally speaking, women always have a lower social status in their own society than men. As a result, within their cultures, women are much more oppressed than men — but paradoxically, if they should venture outside their culture, they may have a lot more freedom to experiment than men from their society would.

For example: in Western societies, men are esteemed above women, and this situation penalizes women in many ways with one huge exception: as children, girls who are “tomboys” are tolerated, encouraged and admired (for “aspiring” above their lowly female status), while boys who are “sissies” are despised, rejected and often brutalized (for disrespecting the Sacred Masculine and transgressively choosing a lower status). Hence, girls have much more freedom to explore their personalities as they grow up. Boys are mostly condemned to force themselves into a narrow box of “Not-Feminine” qualities; if they are gentle, or artistic, or intellectual, or pretty much anything that’s not loud, coarse, violent, aggressive and dominating, they are branded as “faggots,” irrespective of their sexual orientation.

In East Asian societies, women’s lower and men’s higher status is even more exaggerated than in the West. As a result, Asian women may have quite a bit more freedom to explore the world outside their culture of origin, and unsurprisingly, many Asian women have enjoyed exploring Western men and have found beloved partners from foreign cultures. Asian men, on the other hand, are often paralyzed by the expectations of their families to the point where, no matter how attracted they might be to a woman from a different culture, it is simply unimaginable to become involved.”

….

(In other words, “Yes Virginia, it is possible to be a male heterosexual and yet be gentle, sensitive, artistic, imaginative, creative, and not interested in football.”)

Set in boldface in the quoted  language is nothing less the story of my childhood and youth. I never heard anyone else describe it ’til now. But for some time I’ve known that the deviation from the norm (of East Texas) described in the quote was a large source of the ostracism I received as a child. For a long time I’ve also understood that that deviation was normal, etc.  Still, to hear, at last,  someone else state a truth that one has unearthed all on one’s own somehow makes its truth more substantial.

As I get older I am repeatedly amazed that I understand and can articulate truths about society and myself, that, if I had been able to understand them at 20, would have changed my life infinitely for the better.

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2 responses

28 07 2009
MagiMysteryTour

I got called faggot in high school. This was 2,000 miles from Texas, so it’s pretty universal. It was almost always by kids I did not know and who did not know me, often saying it behind my back as I passed by, just loudly enough for me to hear but not loudly enough for me to know for certain whether it was directed at me, or to be able to determine which particular lunkhead among the group of strangers had actually said it. If you turned around to see who had said it the whole bunch would snicker.

28 07 2009
nightman1

I’m sorry that happened to you. I have an idea of how it felt.

There’s a certain amount of literature that demonstrates the savagery of children. There’s the famous “Lord of the Flies”, which I read long ago with a shock of recognition.

And, if you happen to be into reading quite a lot, like I am, there’s a novel from the 1920s called “A High Wind in Jamaica”. I’ve recently read a great review of it.

It’s hard to outgrow that kind of treatment. Whether a person does probably depends quite a lot on his inherited temperament.

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